Men, on the other hand, are perfectly happy to be groomed by a woman. Even a fake one, if Gillette’s new campaign is to be believed.

[continued from the newsletter]

The campaign is titled “What Women Want,” and presumes that men will groom the way an automated video response system tells them to.  The interactive service offers models Heather, Tulana, Jacqueline, Mikayla, and Adriana, aged 19-23, prompting guys through styling decisions.  First, you choose a gal who will offer her opinion.  Then your model has you choose the venue you are planning to attend – i.e. a graduation, a concert, job interview, even a “meet the parents” plan.  You’re offered pictures of twelve different hairstyles, while the model waits at the side of the screen, fidgeting, until a choice is made.  Hairdo and face hair decisions are guided the same way until ultimately your model tells you what she thinks and offers suggestions.  If you choose really goofy looks, like a Pompadour hairdo and a Van Dyck shave, your automated system will try to encourage you to change your mind.  “It’s not your best,” sultry Jacqueline told me of my fake choices.  “Shall we give it another go?”  Or sweet Heather, who frowns so cutely and remarks, “It’s not working for you, let’s do this…” to get me to try a different style.  It all results in a prompt to upload a personal picture to “try on” the new look.

I think this is a swell way to guide people into making the right decisions for businesses.  I’ve had some experience with the automated phone system of a cable company recently while trying to get my phone, Internet access and TV activated in my new home.  If it had only been some cute young man’s recorded voice on the phone, saying things like “I know you’d like to talk to Technical Support, but wouldn’t you rather just fantasize about what I look like and call it a night?”   Or, “My supervisor would just love to talk to you, but press 2 if you’d rather have an email picture of me sent to your cellphone, brought to you by Comcast.”

Perhaps if I had been given the kind of choices Gillette is offering to men, you wouldn’t be reading this now.

Are you as sick of Brook Shields as we are?  She has hawked more products and processes than LookinGood has written about, and Sarah Haskins from Current TV chronicles her progress.  Check it out.

I went cruising through the December editions of beauty magazines to try and find something interesting for the season (holiday, winter, basketball) – gift ideas, beauty products, trends … and either I failed miserably or they did.

Curled up with Glamour, Elle, InStyle, Bazaar and Vogue, rather than inspire me, they made me want to hibernate. Of course I was looking at the beauty and makeup stuff and hadn’t yet gotten to the sex articles, but everyone knows you don’t poke a sleeping bear with a stick – that’s another story for another day, on perhaps another blog.

The Glamour cover promised “Easy Beauty Tricks,” but “Sexy Eyes Made Simple” – four steps that seemed out of order this ‘no-makeup queen’ and made me consider permanent eye liner.

Glamour’s description of “comfy, cozy makeup” as a “cashmere sweater for your face,” made me wonder if it comes in colors that match those fuzzy mittens my teeth are wearing on New Year’s morning.

Maybe it’s because we’re down to about four hours of daylight right now, but the beauty features for both Elle (“Night Light”) and Vogue (“Night Vision”) focus on having a sparkling night out. How, you might wonder? Glitter. Yes, the sexiest holiday looks will have a little Ziggy Stardust to them.

And Elle’s “Cheap and Chic Gift Ideas” seem geared toward either Paris Hilton or your 70-year-old aunt or uncle and her/his poodle.

Bazaar focused on “Glamorous Big-Night Out Looks,” which for winter feature … surprise! … darker hues and more natural tones. Who woulda guessed that with vampires on the cover?  It also includes a Holiday Survival Guide, with tips from “party-circuit regulars.”  Claritin to hide puffy eyes? Who knew?

Reading InStyle (which, by the way I love), you wouldn’t know the holidays are upon us except for the ads. It’s “Best and the Brightest” about revolutionary products is interesting, but none of its articles or regular features has anything to do with the season. It’s almost like they forgot. There’s no party makeup, no tips on keeping the pounds off, no gift guide, no wish-lists. Even Charlie Brown’s pathetic little Christmas tree had one ornament. It makes us wonder: Where’s the glitter?