The Wieden & Kennedy creative campaign has been a wild success, with a series of ads promoting “the perfect man.”  The handsome, buff, naked-from-the-waist-up Mustafa addresses his rapid-fire Barry White dialogue to women: “Hello ladies, how are you?  Fantastic. Does your man look like me? No! Can he smell like me? Yes! Should he use Old Spice Body Wash? I don’t know – do you like the smell of adventure?  Do you want a man who smells like he can bake a gourmet cake in the dream kitchen he built for you with his own hands? Of course you do…” and then it goes on.  Mustafa moves from a beach to a kitchen to the woods where he dives off a waterfall into a hottub that falls away to show him sitting on a motorcycle.  Another commercial has him moving seamlessly from the shower to a boat to sitting on a horse, with costume and prop changes dropping in – all the while telling the ladies that since we can’t have him, we should encourage our men to at least smell like him.

The social media strategy is nothing short of brilliant.  The Old Spice man posts video answers to selected questions on Facebook and answers Twitter messages on YouTube.  One video shows him standing outside the shower, hands on hips, reciting his 140 character response to @wspencer:  “Am typing while running from stampede of scantily-clad female admirers who appeared after trying #oldspice. Is there an antidote?” Another has him apologizing that he can’t answer everyone who writes because “after all, I am just one ridiculously handsome man.”  On Facebook, he has agreed (in theory) to adopting someone and gives advice about facial hair.

This new cult status, however, does not seem to be the reason for an uptick in Old Spice sales.  In fact, year-to-date figures, compared to other men’s personal care products who don’t own ‘the perfect man’ are flat as the arches in my feet.  Advertising Age reports that several men’s products – sibling brand Gillette, Beierdorf’s Nivea,  Dove and Axe, have made the same, if not better gains over the last few months, giving away high-value coupons and through unremarkable advertising. “Consider the four weeks ended June 13, possibly the best month ever for P&G body wash. Old Spice’s sales were up 106% from the prior-year period, jumping 4.8 share points in a category that grew 17.7%. But sales of Gillette body wash, also backed by buy-one-get-one-free coupons and by TV ads (but not Mr. Mustafa), were up a lot more, 277% and 3.9 share points, though it’s by far a smaller brand in the category,“ reports the trade magazine.

Men’s personal care products are on the rise, but whether or not Mustafa is selling more Old Spice is a mystery.  What is not a mystery is that women LOVE him.  The former wide receiver may have had a hard time landing in a permanent football franchise after gigs with the Seattle Seahawks, the Tennessee Titans, Oakland Raiders, Cleveland Browns and finally Barcelona for the NFL Europe, but this guy is a keeper in Hollywood and has put Old Spice back on the shelves.

But watch out – OHDOCTAH has launched a counter-ad for Dove, based on the theory that “ladies don’t like sleeping on bricks…they like more cushion” and therefore will go with a guy built like a Sumo wrestler who uses Dove Body Wash.

This whole advertising campaign is the best entertainment this summer has to offer.

Big nose:

• Product:   Makeup and shadows that give the appearance of a slimmer schnozz.  Highlighter to the bridge of the nose, darker bronze to the sides.  Google “makeup to slim the nose” and you’ll get hundreds of methods.

• Process:  Non-surgical nose job using injectables.  Botox can relax the pull on the widest part of the nose and fillers will smooth out the bumps.  For certain nose problems, it’s easy.

• Plastic surgery:  Rhinoplasty, the most common of cosmetic surgeries, can give you that cute little button nose in a day’s time.  Bruises are gone in a week and you’re good to go.

Double chin:

• Product:  Neck creams – there are millions of them.  Dermajuv Neck Restoration Cream, Strivectin Neck Cream, Philosophy Neck Cream, with the truly depressing tag line “when hope is not enough.”

• Process:  The Neckline Slimmer.  A clever little device that helps you exercise your wattle away with three levels of resistance – none of which are easy (yes, I tried it, but it seemed too much like, well, exercise, so I gave it up.)

• Plastic surgery:  Cervicoplasty and/or platysmaplasty, or just a facelift, will tighten up that neckline so well, you’ll have a hard time looking up.

You see my point, right?  But one problem has stumped my theory, and that is the problem of drooping eyelids.  It seems to occur really quickly – like one night you drank too much and those hangover eyes just never went away.  No amount of eye shadow can cover them, no eye cream can firm them, no exercises can lift them.  Only Blepharoplasty will lift those lids to their original height.

Until now.  Introducing our newest discovery – Victoria McGill’s EyeDefining Contour Strips.

“EyeDefining contour strips temporarily reduce the effects of drooping upper eyelids by tucking and holding the loose skin of your eyelid into your natural crease” says the website.  It’s goofy, but remarkably simple.  It’s like lamination tape, basically – a stiff, formed piece of transparent tape that, when applied, pushes the excess skin into the natural crease of your eye and holds it there.  There’s a video on the website with instructions and dozens of before and after pictures of women whose eyes look 10 years younger.

As a temporary measure, it will work, but eyelid skin is extremely sensitive, so applying and removing tape – especially strong, hard, tape – is not a great idea, no matter how much moisturizer you use, as the product directions suggest.  Eyelid infection, or Blepharitis, is common, and often a real bitch to get rid of.  By the company’s own admission, the tape is difficult to apply.  “When applying the strips for the first time, please be patient. It may take 2 or 3 tries until you get the hang of it. When properly positioned you should not feel the strip after a blink or two.”

Removing the tape is the problem, of course.  If you’re not REALLY careful, you could damage skin that is already very, very thin.

This may be one of those times that only one “P” has the answer – plastic surgery.  Eye creams are generally intended for under the eye and any dermatologist will advise you to leave the tender skin above the eye alone. Because  if you think your eyelids are drooping now, imagine what they look like infected.

I don’t know whether to attribute it to the new products I’ve been trying, stress, hormones or diet.  When I get stressed, I don’t eat right. And hell, at 43, much like at 16, I have absolutely no clue what these hormones are doing.

Of course, with all this playing out all too obviously across my face, I appreciated the timing of Paula Begoun’s recently released report on acne.  Apparently, I am not alone.  Acne affects an estimated 95 percent of the population, regardless of skin color or type.  The report says that yes, my breakouts are probably due to all of the above, and tells me how to fight the flaw, and not let the flaw win.

It is most interesting to note, however, that every natural instinct we have for eradicating those complexion killers is just wrong, wrong, wrong.  And contrary to popular belief, none of it makes them disappear any faster.  You can’t squeeze them or scrub them gone.  The report discourages harsh skin care products.  Astringents like witch hazel won’t dry up that little geyser any quicker, and in fact, if the skin gets dried out, it can’t heal.  Dry skin is also a breeding ground for the bacteria that grow pimples.  Who knew?  Similarly, don’t use products, such as bar soap on your face or waxy styling products on hair that will touch your forehead. These will leave a residue that will clog pores and clogged pores are part of what started this whole mess in the first place.

If acne is a serious issue for you, you need to get Begoun’s report (anyone who is serious about skin care at all should be on her mailing list), because treatment is very individual, depending on your skin type and lifestyle.  Her extensive recommendations include products with salicylic acid or benzoyl peroxide, but she encourages a regular, gentle cleansing routine as the best approach.  Alternatives such as Tea Tree Oil treatments or the use of sulphur are discussed and the report is a must-have before making a decision with your dermatologist about prescription methods.  All the latest on new treatments such as Dapsone, updates on the use of antibiotics, vitamin supplements and other topicals are covered in her report.

Fortunately, my face cleared up in a few weeks, so I was able to give up re-living my pizza face years.  Now if I could find a routine to clear up my social life as easily…

The good news is that the confusion will soon be over.  Because of Whole Food’s leadership, other health retail organizations will follow suit, so when a consumer buys a natural skin care product, they will know exactly what they are getting.  No more worry about deceptive advertising.

The bad news?  Right now, not many products will make the cut.  Consumers will be surprised at the products that have been fooling them all along on the “natural” shelves.  Unless they change their formulation, some of the most popular natural brands will be gone.  Zia Naturals?  Last of the alphabet becomes first out the door.  Nature’s Gate just got shut. Kiehl’s gets keihl-ed.  Derma E?  Derma gone.  100% USDA certification is hard to get, expensive, and here’s the real kicker – the skin and hair care products that have it, don’t sell well.

In 2009, there was no growth in the sale of organic beauty products.  None. Zip. Zilch. Research company Tabs Report pointed to three major issues: price, efficacy and “low overall importance of organics”  in that industry.  In other words, people have found that truly organic grooming and beauty brands cost too much, they don’t work, and consumers are losing interest in their social value. On top of that, they don’t smell good, either, since they can’t add perfume or blockers.  So what we will get from Whole Foods are brands you have probably never heard of and will find very different from the products currently residing in your medicine cabinet.  Look for Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soaps, Terressentials, Trillium Organics and Vermont Soap, as some of the top brands.

The good news is that a trusted retailer has stepped up to demand truth in labeling in personal care products, the first of hopefully, many.  The bad news is that if you want pure products, your choices are about to get a lot smaller.

When it came to glorious, tenderizing, exfoliating body scrubs there was no question: Make it  salt.  Aside from St. Ives and their apricots, salt was what you were supposed to use.

Now it seems sugar is edging out its kitchen counterpart as the spa scrub of choice. Bath & Body Works offers 9 different sugar scrubs for the body and five for the lips, compared with only two salt scrubs.

While both are mixed with moisturizing oils and fragrances, and both slough off dead skin, cleansing pores, and making way for new skin cells, they do offer different benefits.

Salts – particularly sea salts and especially Dead Sea salts – contain healing minerals like magnesium, calcium and potassium.  Although it may sound contrary, these salts are especially effective for healing overly dry skin and easing skin ailments such as psoriasis.

Alternately, sugar may add glycolic acid (which is derived from sugar cane) and antioxidants to the skin, as well as draw moisture to the areas where it is applied, because it is a humectant. The sweet scrubs leave skin brighter and glowing.

Just about everybody offers a scrub. The Lush Ocean Salt Scrub is intriguing because the texture of the salt is as fine as sugar. But Lush’s sugar scrubs are hard chunks that you’re supposed to keep out of puddles -  in the shower. Good luck with that.

If you’ve tried salt and sugar and still can’t make up your mind, The Body Shop’s Mango Body Scrub and Bath & Body Works’ Warm Milk and Sugar Body Scrub have both!

None of the scrubs come particularly cheap, but it’s a treat worth having.  In this summer heat, when limbs are more bare than usual, everyone’s skin can benefit from a little extra sloughing.  And the question of salt vs, sugar?  It’s like your margarita – whatever suits your fancy.

So not only am I battling the genetic curse of being prematurely gray, there is the DNA-based anamoly of a thick, luxurious mane that grows ridiculously fast.

What that means is a regular color job might last a month, amazing if I can go five weeks and a freakin’ miracle (or disgrace) if I try to stretch it to six.

I thought I needed a fairy godmother to help me keep my hair looking youthful, but my friend Lori says all I really need is a magic wand. She swears by Clairol’s Nice ‘N Easy Root Touchup Kit ($6.99) . You mix your color and brush it on from the scalp out, covering the gray and making your dye job last a little bit longer.

Avon offers an interesting alternative with Advance Techniques ($6) – a root touch-up kit with an applicator that looks like a mascara wand in a mascara-like tube. It only comes in two colors, black or brunette, but hey, even a brown that doesn’t match is less noticeable than the silver halo that rings my head on a monthly basis. The color washes out after each shampoo, which could alternately be considered a blessing or a curse.  Seems like this would be a great way to get those tough spots.

New to the market is Oscar Blandi’s Pronto Colore Root Touch-up & Highlightling Pen ($23). Remember how much fun it was to color with markers? Same principle, but on your head instead of paper … or the walls. The pen allows you to brush away those roots, or draw in those highlights you were thinking about trying. It also washes out with each shampoo, but comes in six shades.

And those are just a few. With a multitude of touch-up choices, it should be easy to eliminate the gray area of just how soon I need a full-blown color job.

Good news, my pale friends, I am going give you the low-down on products for your pair of down-lows.

[continued from newsletter]

The first question you need to ask yourself is how much coverage you want.  You may giggle at this, but one of the best selling leg cosmetics is made by Joan Rivers, who might have done serious damage to her face, but still sports a nice set of sticks.  The Right to Bare Legs (3 oz. bottle for $29.99), sold heavily on HSN and online, is for serious leg coverage – scars, bruises, veins – even tattoos.  Sally Hansen has a spray-on Airbrush Legs with medium coverage ($14.99 for 4.4 ounces), as does NYCE Spray-on Instant Nylons (5 oz. for $19.99), that honestly looks as though you are wearing nylons (without the snags/runs).  They all come off with soap and water and will definitely cover up any imperfections you might have.

Most of us just want to smooth out our legs and enhance them with a little color for special occasions.  Self-tanning products are great if you planned ahead of time, but if this is a rush job, we have a couple of recommendations.  My new friends at Rouge Cosmetics in Salem, Mass. (where LookinGood recently moved), turned me on to St. Tropez Perfect Legs.  This is a cream self-tanner and bronzer combination.  The bottle has a split applicator that allows you to control the amount of bronzer you want immediately, while smoothing it in with a mild self-tanner.  It doesn’t smell, has a nice brown color and it isn’t terribly expensive at $30.

Here’s another great idea: use mineral makeup.  I grabbed my neighbor Suzie the other day and experimented on her legs with several of the above-mentioned products.  She didn’t need a spray-on and wasn’t wild about using more cream, either, but when we lightly brushed on a little Bare Minerals Glow, it smoothed out and lifted just enough color on her legs to give a healthy glow.  She loved it, and walked out the door with my mineral makeup.

So, play that funky music, white girls, we can hike up our skirts, glam up our gams and dance the night away.

We’ve seen it already this summer.  June brides who tried something new to look special on their big day, only the special look they ended up with was especially a bummer.  So for the rest of you summer brides, (and this goes for mothers and grooms as well) before you say “I do,” there are some don’ts that you should keep in mind:

Of course you want your skin to be bright and glowing, but don’t schedule a facial treatment close to the big day.  If you’re considering a facial or any sort of peel, you have to make sure you give your skin plenty of time to recover, a minimum of a week.  Facials draw out impurities and can lead to breakouts, and if it has been over a year since you had one, or maybe you’ve never had one at all, you must expect some type of skin reaction.  And depending on the level of the peel, the new skin it unveils will be red for several days to 2 weeks.  Make sure there’s time to heal before you walk down the aisle.

Give the same consideration to any facial waxing.  If you’ve never waxed before, just prior to your wedding is not the time to start – at least not with regard to your face.  I regularly wax my chin and eyebrows … and I regularly break out a couple of days later.  Plan accordingly.

Even if your color theme includes orange, it doesn’t apply to your skin unless you are one of Willie Wonka’s Oompa Loompas.  Don’t go overboard tanning, especially if you’re wearing white (and/or strapless).  Fake tans — spray-on or otherwise acquired — are not fixable and they will still be very obviously fake decades later, regardless of how good your photographer is.  Spend the money to try a couple different techniques a month before the wedding, then choose.

Most importantly, don’t go crazy with your makeup, and if you are using a professional, have a makeup rehearsal weeks before the event.  You want to be a blushing bride because you’re excited and glowing, not because you’re over-painted.  Too often, we see brides who go for the extra eyeliner or lipstick or blush because they think the pictures will look better. If you’re taking the stage at the community theater or running off to join the circus, you can make an argument for changing the way you wear your makeup.  But you’re getting married because somebody loves the way you look every day.  “Something blue” should not be your eye shadow.  If you don’t normally wear blush or magenta lipstick, don’t do it for your wedding.  Whether you hire a professional, put your face in the hands of a friend or do it yourself, accentuate the positive.  Enhance what you have, don’t hide it under layers of cosmetics.

When it comes to your wedding day, if you only remember one thing, remember that those pictures you shelled out thousands for are going to be passed down through generations.  Make sure they look like you.

• More don’ts can be found on TheKnot.com.
• Sacremento Magazine has a good list of Do’s.
• WebMD.com features “The Perfect Bridal Beauty Guide.”

Cellulite is inconsistent fat deposits under the skin and it afflicts 80-90 percent of the post-pubescent female population.  With a target demographic that size, it’s no surprise that the market is loaded with creams and supplements that claim to reduce its appearance.

Note the use of the word “appearance” in the description of nearly every cellulite product out there.  The trouble is that you can’t actually get rid of it. You can reduce it, or maybe make your skin look smoother and hide it, but it will keep coming back.

That is probably why there’s no clear cut answer on whether or not these creams really work.  There is no “proven” independent clinical evidence that they do, and yet, as cited in this WebMD video, it’s a billion-dollar business.

In a recent slideshow review at Totalbeauty.com dedicated to cellulite diminishers, the major “con” about the products that deal with rippled skin is the work – having to use a product a couple of times a day for effective results.  Several of the reviewers attribute a lack of effectiveness to not using the product “as directed.”  Many, however, did, and were also happy with the results. It generally takes 2-4 weeks, so if you’re up for the commitment, here are some products to consider.

Bliss fatgirlsleep ($38/6 oz) – a cream that you apply before bed, this won high ratings from users, many of whom didn’t bother using it with its sister product, Fat Girl Slim. Many reviewers said its lavender scent helped them sleep, too.

You may not have heard of Oligo.DX from DS Laboratories ($38.50, 5.1 fl oz), but it’s one of the highest rated products we found, earning top marks at both the Skinstore.com and Dermstore.com and from bloggers everywhere.

At the high end of the spectrum, Murad offers a cellulite solution that includes Firm and Tone Serum, Firm and Tone Dietary Supplement and Body Firming Cream ($214.50/4 week supply).  The pictures on the Murad website show some results over a 12-week period – that’s over $600.  The dietary supplement includes seven (!) pills to take in the morning and six (!!) to take at night, all chock full of vitamins, antioxidants and so on. Of course you can also try the serum ($77/6.75 fl oz) or supplements ($137.50) alone. People who reviewed it also reported smoother skin in general and healthier hair.

Among the mass market products, Nivea offers a serum/supplement combo ($18.99) that involves taking just one pill a day. You can also get Nivea’s Goodbye Cellulite line also includes the gel-cream alone ($12.99/6.7 fl oz), patches that release L-Carnitine into the skin ($12.99/6), and a fast-acting serum ($15.99/2.5 fl oz), which is suggested to be used with the gel-cream.

And Avon still offers an anti-cellulite product: a.m./p.m. Body Lipo 24 ($19.50/6.8 fl. oz. total), but only 9 of 43 users who reviewed it online recommend this product. Maybe it wasn’t just me.

Men, on the other hand, are perfectly happy to be groomed by a woman. Even a fake one, if Gillette’s new campaign is to be believed.

[continued from the newsletter]

The campaign is titled “What Women Want,” and presumes that men will groom the way an automated video response system tells them to.  The interactive service offers models Heather, Tulana, Jacqueline, Mikayla, and Adriana, aged 19-23, prompting guys through styling decisions.  First, you choose a gal who will offer her opinion.  Then your model has you choose the venue you are planning to attend – i.e. a graduation, a concert, job interview, even a “meet the parents” plan.  You’re offered pictures of twelve different hairstyles, while the model waits at the side of the screen, fidgeting, until a choice is made.  Hairdo and face hair decisions are guided the same way until ultimately your model tells you what she thinks and offers suggestions.  If you choose really goofy looks, like a Pompadour hairdo and a Van Dyck shave, your automated system will try to encourage you to change your mind.  “It’s not your best,” sultry Jacqueline told me of my fake choices.  “Shall we give it another go?”  Or sweet Heather, who frowns so cutely and remarks, “It’s not working for you, let’s do this…” to get me to try a different style.  It all results in a prompt to upload a personal picture to “try on” the new look.

I think this is a swell way to guide people into making the right decisions for businesses.  I’ve had some experience with the automated phone system of a cable company recently while trying to get my phone, Internet access and TV activated in my new home.  If it had only been some cute young man’s recorded voice on the phone, saying things like “I know you’d like to talk to Technical Support, but wouldn’t you rather just fantasize about what I look like and call it a night?”   Or, “My supervisor would just love to talk to you, but press 2 if you’d rather have an email picture of me sent to your cellphone, brought to you by Comcast.”

Perhaps if I had been given the kind of choices Gillette is offering to men, you wouldn’t be reading this now.