Anybody else see the irony in this headline: “The 4 Products You Need To Pull Off The No-Makeup Look”?

What’s funny is that my no-makeup look involves, well, no makeup. According to one of Glamour.com’s daily tips in August, I’ve been doing it wrong all these years. Apparently, to look like my natural self, I need blush, lip stain, eye shadow and mascara.

Dang.  That sounds like a lot of work to look like what I’ve already got. Is it really worth all that effort? I’d really be much more comfortable scanning a picture of myself and photoshopping it until I get the picture of the most natural me I can imagine. That’s what Self Magazine did with the cover shot of Kelly Clarkson. Perhaps they just needed to make her a little skinnier so they could fit headlines like “Slim Down Your Way,” “Flat Abs Faster,” “Erase 8 Pounds” and “Total Body Confidence.”

Nothing says “Total Body Confidence” more than a doctored photo.

Well, La-Te-Da, Michelle. I see the irony in the headline, but frankly, some of us don’t wake up in the morning with a glow. Some of us have to work damned hard at that natural look.  I could put another couple kids through college on the money I’ve wasted on products to make me look natural.  I’d be delighted if it only took four of them!

It’s not like Glamour doesn’t deserve the “Do I look that Stupid?” award.  How about “The 2-Second Eye-Makeup Trick.”  The last time I tried to put on makeup that fast I almost lost an eye.  Or the advice to spray your hair with salt water and let it dry in the “How to Get Blake Lively’s Beach-Wave Hair” column.  Some of these people have salt between their ears.

But one more thing, Missy.  If we ever get famous for LookinGood, you can bet that skinny little butt of yours that my promotional shots are going to be photoshopped! This is America.  I have the constitutional right to distort my body parts any way I want to.  Including in print.

Nothing says “Total Body Confidence” more than money!